Envy in the workplace is inevitable, and can ruin your career, if it’s not managed well. More people are now realizing that, detecting envy and jealousy at work is as important as detecting it in a relationship.
Most times, you may not see any reason why anyone should envy you. However, the truth remains that, you don’t have any control over how people feel about you.
What causes envy in the workplace? What are the signs to detect an envious co-worker? How do you handle envy in the workplace? What is the difference between jealousy and envy? These are some of the things, you’ll learn from this post.
Difference between Jealousy and Envy
Though sometimes used interchangeably, you have to be careful not to confuse the two terms.
The root of jealousy is the fear of losing something that you have. A jealous person has something; but is threatened by possible loss of that thing. On the other hand, envy is a desire to possess something that someone else has.
Consider these examples;
Jealousy: Chris brown is jealous cause Rihanna is staring at Jason Derulo.
Envy: Mr Bean is envious of James Bond, because he got the promotion ahead of him.
In summary, the difference between jealousy and envy;
- Jealousy is because of what you have, and don’t want to lose.
- Envy is because of what someone else has, that you want or feel you deserve.
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What are the things that cause envy at work?
- Promotion
- Public Accolades
- Blowing your trumpets
- Preferential treatment/favouritism
- Speedy growth
- Skills/Expertise
- Office space
- Competition/Inter department challenge
Note: No matter what you think, say or do; anything is capable of bringing envy your way. Your responsibility is to curb and manage envious colleagues.
Don’t allow your envious co-worker affect your work relationship, team, and/or spoil your job performance.
1) Promotion
Be careful whom you tell, and how you talk about your promotion. Envy can emerge, if the person feels that;
- You didn’t deserve the promotion; especially if they had been coveting the position you were just given.
- Your promotion came too early.
2) Blowing your trumpets
People like to feel good about themselves, they want to believe they’re making progress in life. If you constantly bring stories that make them feel beneath you, you risk the chance of gaining a new hater. Therefore, avoid tooting your horns to the wrong people, and/or bringing your personal life to work.
3) Preferential Treatment/Favouritism
No one loves to feel disadvantaged. Enjoying the benefits of preferential or favourable treatment can cause other colleagues to refrain from associating with you.
A worse scenario; is when you’re a leader, and you’re giving preferential treatments to some people. The others who aren’t enjoying the benefits, will grow envious and that will affect work relationship.
4) Speedy Growth
Your career growth can cause envious people to raise their brows on you. This is particularly if they’ve not attained that level of growth, or if it took them a long time to attain the heights you’ve attained personally or career-wise.
5) Skills/Expertise
Mostly when you’re a young professional or a new employee. A young professional who is skilled at his work is more likely to have people who envy him or her.
6) Accolades
If you constantly receive public praises for good deeds either from your bosses or colleagues. Chances are, someone will resent you, for being the only one always getting all the praises.
It could be the way you flaunt the accolades, maybe people compare them to you, or just because they also want a feel of the relevance. Whatever the case, you need to understand that this can happen, so you should position yourself to tackle it.
7) Office Space
Getting a new or bigger workspace shows your input in the company is valuable.
Anyone can take it to heart that you’re getting the good things of life while they lavish in their old, small office (Note: Their office doesn’t even have to be old and small, they just want what you have).
8) Competition
If you work in an organization where departments/teams, compete to meet targets, win budget share etc. it’s likely that those events can breed cold competitions.
Signs to Detect an Envious Co-worker
1) Disrespect you openly
When a co-worker is constantly disrespecting you in public and playing down your efforts, it should send a message to you. An envious person will use any opportunity to make you feel less of yourself, because that somehow makes them feel more relevant than you.
It’s one thing to correct you when you make a mistake; it’s another to always highlight your mistakes.
2) Celebrate your failure
Envious colleagues can’t stand your progress, they’re always happy to see you make mistakes. Whether they do it in the open or secretly, there’s this feeling of excitement they have, when things don’t go well for you.
3) Never have time to assist
Even if you make out time to assist them whenever they need you, they’ll never have time to assist you when you need them.
There’ll always be a deadline they want to meet, a tough task that’s taking their time, something that is making them not focus etc. They’ll always have an excuse for not being available to assist.
4) Downplay your achievement
An envious colleague will rather credit your achievement to anything but not your hard work and skill. A lucky streak, your relationship with the boss etc, anything else is responsible for your success but not your hard work and skills.
5) Your Guts tell you
Another sign to detect an envious co-worker is that your guts will tell you.
When you start feeling some level of friction around a colleague, a kind of funny feeling which you can’t explain; it’s most likely because there’s negative energy that the person exudes, and your gut is trying to notify you that something is wrong somewhere.
6) Hardly look you in the eyes
There’s a social behaviour that doesn’t allow someone jealous or envious of you to make eye contact. Knowing or unknowing to them, it can be traced to human psychology.
7) Always disagree with you
To your envious colleague, your ideas are always not good. You didn’t put in enough research, you didn’t provide proofs to back up your claims etc. There’s always something that must get them to oppose you.
8) Criticize/Talk down on you
They are always on the lookout for opportunities to reduce your value in the sight of others. When a colleague starts going about, talking about your weak points to other colleagues behind you, then it’s a clear indication of envy and hate.
9) Never involve you
If they are having a happy time, they won’t involve you. When they send memos, they will omit your address and claim it was a mistake. The first time could be a mistake but when it keeps happening over and over, then your guess is as good as mine.
10) Your name is always in their conversations for the wrong reasons.
When you continually overhear your name in gossip, involving a particular person for reasons unknown to you; it most times, means they’re saying things about you that they would rather not say to you openly.
11) They give you cold shoulders
Sometimes, a good way to know when someone envious of you; is by reading their body language when you’re near that person. They always feel uneasy whenever you’re around, they just can’t wait for you to leave.
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More Signs to Detect an Envious Co-worker
12) Hoard information from you.
13) Avoid anything that will cause both of you to collaborate.
14) Ignore you when you speak to them.
15) Always vigilant in finding faults in your work.
16) They don’t give you credits when you deserve it.
17) They openly say that they “hate you”
18) Pretend to like you.
19) Fake/insincere compliments.
20) They always want you to believe your job is easy or irrelevant.
21) They always want to exercise some authority over you, even when they are not your superiors.
Tips to Handle Envy at Work
Envy in the workplace can be avoided or averted by applying wisdom. Below are top tips that will help you handle an envious work environment.
1) Be humble
2) Don’t expect everyone to like you
3) Offer to share what you know
The same way it’ll hurt when information is withheld from you, that is how others will feel bad if you know something and keep it to yourself. It could be general information or knowledge that you have, if sharing it will avert envy, then it’s worth it.
4) Don’t offer your assistance if you were not asked for it
Avoid anything that will make you seem like a bragger or a “Mr knows it all”.
5) Separate your work life from your personal life
Don’t bring your achievements to your workplace.
6) Ignore envy
Another way to deal with envy is to ignore it. Don’t give it room to get to you. Focus on how to deliver on your assignments and go home to your family.
7) Find a support system
Handling workplace challenges could require getting external assistance. If it ever gets to that stage, find someone in whom you can confide in and get advice from.
8) Document everything
Envy can push people to any length, when you start noticing the acts of an envious colleague, start documenting activities, keep track of them.
9) Talk with your boss
When all attempts have failed to overcome the challenges from an envious colleague, you should consider speaking with your boss to help you arrest the situation.
10) Be a top performer
Always ensure you put in your best at work, that way, you’d know any plot against you will hardly be successful, since you’re always delivering.
11) Don’t be petty
Don’t allow the pettiness of an envious co-worker make you do things you’ll regret.
12) Listen to others
In other not to be the architect of your problem, make it a habit to listen to others. Genuinely pay attention to what they have to say, appreciate their thoughts and ideas. That way, your colleagues will reciprocate to you.
13) Understand your boss and your work environment
So far your employer is happy with you, then every other hater is insignificant.
14) Own up to your mistakes and apologize, if you offend anyone
Understand that you too can unknowingly cause people to be jealous of you.
15) Celebrate/congratulate others
Genuinely celebrate and appreciate others, when they achieve an uncommon feat.
16) Make top performers your mentors.
17) Assess yourself regularly
Check yourself and purge yourself of attitudes that bring hate your way.
18) Approach the person directly
You could also decide to talk with the individual involved. Let them know that you value them and their friends, but you’ve noticed, you might have done something that didn’t sit out well with them, and you’d be willing to make amends, if only they tell you what you did that they don’t like.
19) Speak to a senior and seek their counsel
Just like #5, confide in someone above you, and seek counsel; probably they’ve been in a similar situation. Find out how they handled it.
20) Weigh your options
This should be your last resort when all else fails. Consider if staying in the same environment will do you more good or harm. Dealing with one envious colleague is something you can manage effectively. But when you have to deal with many people who are always looking for ways to clamp down on you, then you should consider switching jobs for your sanity. You can browse through our vacancies to see latest job openings that suit your career expectations.
Summary: Signs to Detect an Envious Co-worker and How to Handle
- Envy in the workplace is sometimes inevitable, your duty is to manage it so it doesn’t affect your work relationship and results, negatively.
- Jealousy is the fear of losing something that you have, while envy is discomfort because someone else has something you wish you had.
- Most people don’t care about workplace envy, because they don’t see any reason why someone would envy them. However, you don’t have any power over how people feel about you. Hence it’s important that you understand the signs to detect an envious co-worker and how to handle them.
- If dealing with an envious and jealous co-worker is overwhelming for you, you should consider talking with your boss about it or changing workplace.
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Fasthire is a fast-growing career company. We are committed to helping young professionals get ahead in their career. If you have questions or additions on signs to detect an envious co-worker, or any other topic you need assistance in, kindly let us know in the comment section.
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FAQs
How do you know if a coworker envies you? ›
They're openly resentful of you — or worse, talk about you behind your back. If you can cut the tension with a knife every time you join meeting or conversation, there's a good chance your colleagues are jealous. Even worse, you might hear from others that the same people are talking about you behind your back.
How do you deal with an envious coworker? ›- Understand the psychology of envy. If you dig deep enough, envy is usually just a cover for profound feelings of insecurity, fear, and shame. ...
- Affirm them publicly. ...
- Humanize yourself. ...
- Talk to them about it. ...
- Talk to your boss. ...
- If necessary, go to HR.
- Be polite and civil. Don't stoop to their level – it could make the situation worse (and could lead to you getting into trouble at work).
- Offer help and support (if they'll let you). ...
- Try not to take it personally. ...
- Ignore the jealous behavior.
- They criticize your successes.
- Express insincere compliments.
- Ignore/avoid you.
- Give the silent treatment.
- Compare themselves to you.
- Try to get attention from others.
- Or make negative comments about your possessions.
Someone who is envious of you may also try to mimic your behavior and imitate every single thing you do. They could go as far as copying hairstyles, dressing, walking, and talking the same way you do. Even if you find it flattering at first, sooner or later, it will start to get really irritating.
How do you protect yourself from a toxic coworker? ›- Don't try to please them. ...
- Speak up if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe around someone. ...
- Don't get sucked into the toxicity. ...
- Set boundaries with Toxic People. ...
- Keep hold of your emotions. ...
- Keep a positive attitude, even when things are tough.
Establish boundaries
Setting limits is the first step in managing a toxic coworker and ensuring their behavior doesn't affect your mood or work performance. Try to distance yourself from your colleague when they engage in conduct like gossiping, micromanaging and harassment.
- Meet deadlines. ...
- Respect the rules. ...
- Respect your co-workers. ...
- Praise your co-workers. ...
- Keep your office conversation positive. ...
- Communicate well. ...
- Be a listener. ...
- Be confident.
They display defensive body language (folding their arms or glazing over you when you talk). They do not smile around you, turn their back when they see you walk past, or maintain poor eye contact. They do not acknowledge your presence in meetings and rarely approach you with work-related questions.
How can you tell if someone is insecure at work? ›- They react negatively towards achievement or recognition. ...
- They gossip about other employees. ...
- They treat someone differently. ...
- They steal credit and avoid blame. ...
- They regularly under-deliver. ...
- They remain quiet during meetings.
What is the root cause of envy? ›
In almost every case, envy arises when we are experiencing dissatisfaction in our own lives. It's when we so badly desire and yearn for success, connection or affection from others, and we don't get it.
What causes a person to be envious? ›Envy develops when individuals compare themselves to others and find themselves to be inferior. This process is a natural one, although comparing the self with others may lead to the development of envy and other emotions that can cause pain.
How does a jealous person act? ›Signs that you might be jealous are: You don't trust your partner when you're not together. You get concerned when they mention other people. You constantly check their social media to see what they're doing.
How do you know if someone is secretly jealous of you? ›Someone who is jealous of you may also try to take after you and imitate everything you do. They could go as far as walking, dressing, and talking the way you do. Even if you take it as a compliment at first, sooner or later it will start affecting you.
How can you tell if someone doesn't like you? ›"Many times people who are not particularly fond of you have a hard time making eye contact," Craig said. "These individuals often seem distracted or disconnected while speaking and engaging with you. Their eyes may shift to other things happening around you which indicates a lack of respect and attention."
How do you know if someone is jealous but hiding it? ›- Has become more inquisitive. ...
- Gives your answers a different meaning. ...
- Gets angry when you admire another man. ...
- Competes with any man you compliment. ...
- Becomes uncharacteristically nice. ...
- Tries to make you jealous. ...
- He is defensive when you ask about his love life.
People can become jealous for a variety of reasons. Often, jealous feelings stem from communication issues, low self-esteem, loneliness, or, in relationships, differing interpersonal boundaries.
What is malicious envy? ›Malicious envy involves hostility or resentment toward another person who has it better than us. “The motivation is to try to take away what they have or to undermine their success or happiness,” Parrott says.
What is it called when someone envies you? ›1 resentful, jealous, covetous.
How do you beat a toxic person at their own game? ›- Recognize and Acknowledge the Abuse. A relationship with a narcissist often has a façade of normality. ...
- Don't Stoop to Their Level. Narcissists thrive on drama. ...
- Don't React to Their Abusive Tactics. Your reaction is exactly what they want. ...
- Remain Mindful of Your Needs and Emotions.
How do you expose a manipulative coworker? ›
- Show respect by conducting the meeting in a private place.
- Address the problem clearly and directly.
- Explain how the other person's behavior is affecting your work or wellbeing.
- Describe how you would like your interactions to be.
- Use transparent communication methods. ...
- Channel confidence in your interactions. ...
- Manage your reactions to conflict. ...
- Examine any negative emotions you have. ...
- Ask clarifying questions when facing a conflict. ...
- Be deliberate when communicating your feelings. ...
- Protect your time.
- Maintain integrity. Never return the favor, as it will only make you look bad.
- Politely confront the situation. ...
- Maintain your distance. ...
- Always be alert/aware. ...
- Create and maintain a strong business network. ...
- Never underestimate others. ...
- Don't let it get you down.
The most direct way to handle a rude coworker is to try to have a private, polite conversation about the incident in question. Calmly express your concerns about the rudeness you observed and explain how it negatively affects you, being conscious not to be accusatory or overly critical.
How do you know you are not respected at work? ›Distracted behavior, a lack of eye contact, sneering, or eye rolling are all pretty bad signs.
How do you deal with a coworker who doesn't respect boundaries? ›Whenever someone crosses your boundary, you have to let them know that their action is not okay with you.” It's important to have a response prepared for when your boundaries are violated. Some examples are, “that doesn't work for me”, or “I feel like you don't respect my boundaries.”
How do you deal with haters and jealousy? ›- What is a "Hater?"
- How to Deal with Haters.
- Ignore it. Walk away. ...
- Block online haters. ...
- Be kind and respectful, even to haters. ...
- Stick with supporters. ...
- Remind yourself that comments from a hater are a reflection of them and aren't really about you. ...
- Understand criticism can be a sign of pain.
Set boundaries. Don't feel like you have to continue to listen to a jealous person vent to you all the time. Set boundaries to distance yourself from the person. Make a mental time limit for how long you will engage with a negative person, then politely excuse yourself from the conversation.
How do you know if someone is threatened by you? ›- They won't make eye contact. ...
- They turn slightly away from you. ...
- They speak quietly. ...
- They don't ask you any questions about yourself. ...
- They fidget. ...
- They stand back. ...
- They refuse to offer constructive feedback. ...
- They don't think you're on their side.
Toxic coworkers are often unsatisfied with their own personal performance, position, pay, or experience in the workforce and they've allowed that dissatisfaction to come to such a boiling point that they become detractors within the culture, says Robert H.
What is a toxic worker? ›
“Toxic employees” exhibit actions detrimental to an organization's personnel, property, or both. These workers may cause customer and profit loss or harm to other staff members. They might even become the reason a co-worker decides to resign. A “toxic employee” most likely doesn't get along well with other people.
What are the 7 most common insecurities? ›“Some of the most common insecurities and relationships include emotional insecurity, attachment insecurity, physical insecurity, financial insecurity, professional insecurity, and social insecurity,” explains LaTonya P.
How can you tell if an employee is secretly struggling? ›- Change in their physical appearance. ...
- Inconsistent behaviour. ...
- Absence. ...
- Easily irritated. ...
- Change in patterns of behaviour. ...
- Difficulty in focusing. ...
- Worrying. ...
- Destructive behaviours.
Toxic people are often insecure people. They tend to make themselves feel or seem better than others by talking badly about them rather than taking concrete actions to develop their skills. Toxic people feel entitled to judge others, their actions, decisions, and lifestyles.
Who is prone to envy? ›In adulthood. The things that drive people mad with envy change throughout their lifetime. Studies have shown that the younger the person, the more likely they are to be envious of others. Adults under the age of 30 are more likely to experience envy compared to those 30 years and older.
What mental illness causes envy? ›According to the DSM-IV, none of the personality disorders, except the narcissistic personality, is formally associated with envy. Nevertheless, this "deadly sin" is so omnipresent in human relationships that it cannot be restricted only to the narcissistic personalities.
Why does envy lead to anger? ›When it comes to envy, the same mechanism is at play. We compare bits of information about others to ourselves, and when we feel that we do not compare well, it makes us unhappy and often angry. It is only in this comparison that we can experience envy. This is an important observation.
What does God say about envy? ›Proverbs 24:1
“Don't envy evil people, and don't long to be with them.” The Good News: God rewards those who are faithful and patient.
Jealousy can be a sign of insecurity. Jealousy is a fear of losing something you already have, like a relationship or friendship. People who deal with jealousy may often feel threatened by other people. You may also feel that you are in competition with others, even if you're not.
How do you know if a coworker dislikes you? ›- They rarely include you in group discussions. ...
- They show negative body language when talking to you. ...
- They never celebrate your successes. ...
- They avoid working with you. ...
- They give you short and curt replies. ...
- They undermine you. ...
- You're the newest team member. ...
- You often take days off.
How do you tell if a coworker likes you but is hiding it? ›
- 1 He frequently shows up next to you.
- 2 He sticks up for you.
- 3 You're his favorite person to talk to at work.
- 4 He comments on a change in your appearance.
- 5 Interacting with you puts him in a good mood.
- 6 He's bothered by the “competition.”
- They use statements like, “I was only trying to help.”
- You have to jump through different hurdles that others don't have to.
- The person regularly talks behind your back.
- You catch them in lie after lie.
- The person steals others' ideas and passes them off as their own.
A simple test to detect if someone dislikes you: ask them about their hobbies, friendships, or something else they enjoy. If they always respond in short and frigid words, or just yes or no answers, chances are they aren't for you.
How do you outsmart a manipulative coworker? ›- Define your experience. ...
- Assess your feelings and use your support system. ...
- Try to resolve the conflict together. ...
- Let a manager or superior know what's going on. ...
- Focus on positive workplace relationships. ...
- Lead by example. ...
- Practice mindfulness. ...
- Show sympathy and empathy.
- Learn About Them. ...
- Understand What is Going on With Them. ...
- Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms. ...
- Avoid Engaging with Them Unnecessarily. ...
- Try Talking It Out. ...
- Talk to Your Superiors About It.
Extreme and inappropriate reactions or responses, such as angry outbursts. Unexplained and alarming changes in behavior or conduct. Suicidal comments or threats. Verbal or written abuse or harassment, including direct contact, voicemail, e-mail, social networking sites.
What is intimidating personality? ›People described as intimidating are often overly domineering and cause others to feel threatened, overwhelmed, or even afraid. Being confident, assured, and commanding isn't a bad thing. It can help people take you seriously in the workplace, social situations, and in interpersonal relationships.
How do you tell a coworker to back off? ›Describe the situation, in detail, explaining what the problem is, and why. Make sure you have evidence to back this up. Then offer a solution - what you want them to do, and then the consequences: what will happen if they do - and don't do - as you ask."
How do you know if you are respected at work? ›Some signs you are respected at work include: Everyone seems to have nothing but praise for you and the work you do. Notice especially the way your manager speaks to others about you. Positive comments from your management to others is often a good sign you are respected.
What to do when you feel like a coworker doesn t like you? ›- Attempt To Solve The Problem Privately.
- Ask Them for a Favor.
- Confront The Issue.
- Find Out Where Your Belief is Coming From.
- Seek Support from Allies.
- Put Your Head Down and Focus on Work.
- Try Getting To Know Them Better.
- Build a Rapport With Them.
How can you tell a manipulative coworker? ›
- Superficial charm and false sympathy.
- Negotiations that don't feel fair, with no win-win solutions.
- Verbal intimidation or insincere praise.
- Meetings where you unexpectedly leave loaded down with work – with an unfair number of monkeys on your back.
- They are not cooperative.
- They rarely tell the truth. ...
- They are not accountable. ...
- They complain about everything.
- They play a victim.
- They put down, bully, or offend other coworkers.
- They always procrastinate at work.
- They use triangulation to draw others into their conflict relationships.
When dealing with a fake person at work, try to take the high road rather than sinking to their level. If you're in a situation at work with a fake colleague who is trying to rile you up, try to remain calm, stick to the facts, and avoid personal attacks.